i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
