This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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