Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize