It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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