mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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