Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
