Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
