I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize