My hand turned me down
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
