just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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