just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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