He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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