oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
