who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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