I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
