i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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