Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
