The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
