Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
