I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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