8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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