i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
