Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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