i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
