Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
