I heard we made out
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
