your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm really busy with my period
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