Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
