Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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