i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
