can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
