Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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