I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
