I take back everything I said about communal showers
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize