i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
