Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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