shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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