My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
