so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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