Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
