and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
