Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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