Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
