it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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