Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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