I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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