physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize