there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
