I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
