omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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