I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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