ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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