I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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