The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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