the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
