so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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