u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
