Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
