I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
