she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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