blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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