gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
