we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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