McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
