so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
