i may or may not be watching the land before time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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