they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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