just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
