My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
