Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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